Baby number 3... we are not afraid!

I begin this post by laughing out loud.  You see,  I am sure for my family members that are reading this, they did not get all excited and jump for joy when they saw this post.  I am sure I will get a string of comments about it, to which most I will ignore.  I ignore them out of respect for my relationships with my family members, for if I truly listened to what they were saying, I would likely be so disappointed by their lack of respect, support and understanding for decisions made by me and my husband that I may never talk to them again.  Many will claim that I am imagining this animosity, but I encourage them to really pay attention to reactions the next time Jason and I talk about a baby in comparison to when ANY of my other cousins talk about a baby.  The reactions are very different and naturally so.  My pregnancies aren't these glowing amazing stories where I have no morning sickness, gain little weight, could run a marathon with all the energy I have, and then we have to talk the baby out around 40 weeks when my water naturally breaks.  If you want one of those, call my best friend Jennifer, she is a PRO!  My stories are much more intense and come with twists and turns and drama!  They are defining stories that show character and strength and a willingness to trust others with the tiny lives we bring in to this world.  My stories are just as incredible as the next if you take the time to see it from our perspective.

Jason and I are planning baby number 3.  We are very excited about this.  My extended family members (well most of them) are not!  And as family members often do, they vocalize it, try and press it in, some even get argumentative about our decision.  We have been trying to get the family geared up for it for some time and have finally come to the conclusion that there will be very little support for pregnancy number 3.  We try not to care too much about this realization as much as it hurts.  We hope that things will be different and that the support we need will be there when the time comes, but we are not holding our breath about it and have planned accordingly for any situation.

Having a baby is a very personal decision.  One that is made between a husband and wife and made out of love and desire to grow a wonderful family together.  You consider all the angles -- the finances, the medical risks, the ability to provide, the timing -- and then you decide.  Babies are a gift.  A wonderful gift.  As a parent, we don't always appreciate this gift, even when we know we should.  We sometimes threaten to ship this gift to another country just to try and get a single night of sleep, but deep down and through our every day joys, we love this gift with all our hearts.  If you are a NICU family like us, this is a gift you fought very hard to keep.  We respect the wonderful miracles we have in our family, and we are not afraid to do it again. 

I repeat.... WE ARE NOT AFRAID TO DO IT AGAIN! 

For those that know my birth stories, they gasp, cry, panic, get angry, and freak out over our decision.  They may tell me I am being selfish and I am not considering the needs of my family, but really, I think they respond out of fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of a repeat occurrence that they aren't familiar with, Fear of the NICU.  But we are not afraid. 

My birth story is not one that most people desire or even consider, but it is MY birth story and it is one I am familiar with.  I do not look back on my birth memories with pain, envy, anger or fear.  Being familiar with something removes the fear you may have with it and I am familiar with my birth stories.  While most woman are lucky enough to experience spontaneous labor when the baby is ready and have their personal OB deliver their baby along side a couple of nurses.   My deliveries are scheduled events that are prepared for and practiced and come with a specialized TEAM of doctors.  Specialists that include scary names like Neurologist, Neonatologist, Cardiologist, Hematologist, Hepatologist, and 3, yes 3 Obstetric Specialists (better known as Maternal Fetal Medicine).  And I love each and every one of them.  I know them, they know me and we are all on board.  I see each of them every 3 months for check ups and they have all agreed with an action plan for another pregnancy.  And this is not a hesitant agreement with conditional terms that make me look crazy for doing this. They wholeheartedly believe, as I do, that this pregnancy will be different.  This comes with a lot of hard work on my part and an amazing medical recovery following Annaliece's delivery.   These opinions and decisions were not made lightly and I continue to council with my doctors frequently to ensure the best possible outcome. 

We understand and accept that the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) is a natural, normal part of our birth story.  Some people freak out by that, but we do not.  We have done it twice and because of that I now support parents who are going through it or have been through it.  Some went through it with me!  I have held the hands of parents who lost their babies in the NICU, hands of parents who didn't make it to the NICU and prayed they could, and wept with mother's for days and weeks over having our babies in the NICU, but this doesn't change my mind.  This makes me stronger and better and more convinced that I can do this.  Will we need a NICU -- we don't know, but probably.  We don't kid ourselves about what we potentially face.  But we know that our babies are healthy and strong and I will do everything in my power to keep a baby healthy and growing.  I DID NOT FAIL MY BABIES, my body failed me.  With the changes we have made to my health recently, and those we continue to make, my body is stronger, better and is ready to do this again.

When Jason and I had Annaliece, surprisingly, it never crossed my mind to be done and Jason never asked me to be done. Family told me rather than asked me about being done and being happy.  Don't get me wrong.  I am happy.  I am happy with the two I have, but I feel that there is more out there.  My oldest daughter tells people there are two babies in my tummy.  She has done this even before Jason and I began talking regularly of another.  I am not sure she is wrong.  I half hope there is only one, but two is good also!  We are prepared for whatever God has in store for us. 

We are excited about the idea of another baby and we want our family to be excited for us.  We know that we will need to support.  We don't kid ourselves about that.  My pregnancies are hard even before they get medically difficult.  In addition, I am doing this with two other children at home, one with special needs that still require additional attention.  But I am not the first to do this and I hope I won't be the last.  So when we finally get pregnant and decide to share the news, we don't want it to be an upsetting experience.  Remember, every baby is a gift and we are not afraid!