Baby number 3... we are not afraid!

I begin this post by laughing out loud.  You see,  I am sure for my family members that are reading this, they did not get all excited and jump for joy when they saw this post.  I am sure I will get a string of comments about it, to which most I will ignore.  I ignore them out of respect for my relationships with my family members, for if I truly listened to what they were saying, I would likely be so disappointed by their lack of respect, support and understanding for decisions made by me and my husband that I may never talk to them again.  Many will claim that I am imagining this animosity, but I encourage them to really pay attention to reactions the next time Jason and I talk about a baby in comparison to when ANY of my other cousins talk about a baby.  The reactions are very different and naturally so.  My pregnancies aren't these glowing amazing stories where I have no morning sickness, gain little weight, could run a marathon with all the energy I have, and then we have to talk the baby out around 40 weeks when my water naturally breaks.  If you want one of those, call my best friend Jennifer, she is a PRO!  My stories are much more intense and come with twists and turns and drama!  They are defining stories that show character and strength and a willingness to trust others with the tiny lives we bring in to this world.  My stories are just as incredible as the next if you take the time to see it from our perspective.

Jason and I are planning baby number 3.  We are very excited about this.  My extended family members (well most of them) are not!  And as family members often do, they vocalize it, try and press it in, some even get argumentative about our decision.  We have been trying to get the family geared up for it for some time and have finally come to the conclusion that there will be very little support for pregnancy number 3.  We try not to care too much about this realization as much as it hurts.  We hope that things will be different and that the support we need will be there when the time comes, but we are not holding our breath about it and have planned accordingly for any situation.

Having a baby is a very personal decision.  One that is made between a husband and wife and made out of love and desire to grow a wonderful family together.  You consider all the angles -- the finances, the medical risks, the ability to provide, the timing -- and then you decide.  Babies are a gift.  A wonderful gift.  As a parent, we don't always appreciate this gift, even when we know we should.  We sometimes threaten to ship this gift to another country just to try and get a single night of sleep, but deep down and through our every day joys, we love this gift with all our hearts.  If you are a NICU family like us, this is a gift you fought very hard to keep.  We respect the wonderful miracles we have in our family, and we are not afraid to do it again. 

I repeat.... WE ARE NOT AFRAID TO DO IT AGAIN! 

For those that know my birth stories, they gasp, cry, panic, get angry, and freak out over our decision.  They may tell me I am being selfish and I am not considering the needs of my family, but really, I think they respond out of fear.  Fear of the unknown, fear of a repeat occurrence that they aren't familiar with, Fear of the NICU.  But we are not afraid. 

My birth story is not one that most people desire or even consider, but it is MY birth story and it is one I am familiar with.  I do not look back on my birth memories with pain, envy, anger or fear.  Being familiar with something removes the fear you may have with it and I am familiar with my birth stories.  While most woman are lucky enough to experience spontaneous labor when the baby is ready and have their personal OB deliver their baby along side a couple of nurses.   My deliveries are scheduled events that are prepared for and practiced and come with a specialized TEAM of doctors.  Specialists that include scary names like Neurologist, Neonatologist, Cardiologist, Hematologist, Hepatologist, and 3, yes 3 Obstetric Specialists (better known as Maternal Fetal Medicine).  And I love each and every one of them.  I know them, they know me and we are all on board.  I see each of them every 3 months for check ups and they have all agreed with an action plan for another pregnancy.  And this is not a hesitant agreement with conditional terms that make me look crazy for doing this. They wholeheartedly believe, as I do, that this pregnancy will be different.  This comes with a lot of hard work on my part and an amazing medical recovery following Annaliece's delivery.   These opinions and decisions were not made lightly and I continue to council with my doctors frequently to ensure the best possible outcome. 

We understand and accept that the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit) is a natural, normal part of our birth story.  Some people freak out by that, but we do not.  We have done it twice and because of that I now support parents who are going through it or have been through it.  Some went through it with me!  I have held the hands of parents who lost their babies in the NICU, hands of parents who didn't make it to the NICU and prayed they could, and wept with mother's for days and weeks over having our babies in the NICU, but this doesn't change my mind.  This makes me stronger and better and more convinced that I can do this.  Will we need a NICU -- we don't know, but probably.  We don't kid ourselves about what we potentially face.  But we know that our babies are healthy and strong and I will do everything in my power to keep a baby healthy and growing.  I DID NOT FAIL MY BABIES, my body failed me.  With the changes we have made to my health recently, and those we continue to make, my body is stronger, better and is ready to do this again.

When Jason and I had Annaliece, surprisingly, it never crossed my mind to be done and Jason never asked me to be done. Family told me rather than asked me about being done and being happy.  Don't get me wrong.  I am happy.  I am happy with the two I have, but I feel that there is more out there.  My oldest daughter tells people there are two babies in my tummy.  She has done this even before Jason and I began talking regularly of another.  I am not sure she is wrong.  I half hope there is only one, but two is good also!  We are prepared for whatever God has in store for us. 

We are excited about the idea of another baby and we want our family to be excited for us.  We know that we will need to support.  We don't kid ourselves about that.  My pregnancies are hard even before they get medically difficult.  In addition, I am doing this with two other children at home, one with special needs that still require additional attention.  But I am not the first to do this and I hope I won't be the last.  So when we finally get pregnant and decide to share the news, we don't want it to be an upsetting experience.  Remember, every baby is a gift and we are not afraid!

I QUIT!!

 I quit!
So I did it.... or I should probably say WE did it... quitting your job is never a one sided decision.  It is always a decision made up of a million tiny decisions that compress together to form the much larger decision.  And man was this one big!!  HUGE!  I mean, how do you decide to down size your income?  How do you decide when you are going to take that jump?
Jason and I did it though.  After weeks, if not months, of talking about where we were headed with my jewelry company and the pros and cons in life associated with my working at Walmart, we finally did it.
I gave notice earlier this week.  It turns out my two week notice will be much shorter than intended.  You see, due to jewelry events, I had requested time off next week so I wasn't on the schedule for several days.  Because of that, my last day of work will actually be this upcoming Sunday.  I am a little apprehensive and a little excited.  It marks a whole new experience for me.  I am very much looking forward to this new adventure.
I am very sad to be leaving my position at Walmart, but I am very excited for the opportunities and doors this opens for me.  This will open up my schedule to so many new things with Paparazzi and that is what I need.  Paparazzi has been such a huge blessing and is growing so fast.  I am amazed by how productive it has been for my little family and I have only been able to give it a smidgeon of my time.  If I am able to triple that time and energy, just imagine what can happen!  The possibilities are endless.
So here, we are!  Two shifts left!  I am so excited!  

Resolution 2012 -- Weight Loss

I worked really hard in 2012 to drop the “baby weight.”  Hard to call it baby weight though seeing as my blessed bundles came weighing only 3 lbs and 2 lbs respectively.  Needless to say, when I started 2012 I was weighing roughly around 265lbs.  I know, I know, it was the largest I have ever weighed.  People say there is no way I was that heavy.  I carried it fairly well, but yes I did weigh that much.  It was causing a lot of problems and I was MISERABLE.  I hated being that heavy and it was causing all sorts of secondary medical issues.  So it made my 2012 resolution really easy.  

Then the trouble started.  I HATE DIETING.  I hate the word DIET.  Diets imply things you can’t have and things you deprive yourself of.  So I decided right then I was not going to diet.  I know that sounds silly, but what joy are you going to find in this world by starving yourself, going out with your friends just to tell yourself you can’t have 80% of what is on the menu, and all for the sake of being able to fit in to a size 5.  NOPE not for this girl.  What I did do was swap out my lunches for those little Green Giant Veggie Steamers you buy in the frozen food section at the grocery store.  I would have an entire bag of those over one of the cups of minute rice.  That was lunch.  And a HUGE lunch.  It was quite filling and very low calorie.  I would heat up that bag of veggies, took about 7 minutes, put it over the cup of minute rice and BAM  -- lunch.  I lost 10 lbs the first month.  Another 10 lbs the second month.  I couldn’t believe that just swapping to a high veggie lunch was shedding some of that baby weight.  It was awesome.  My drs were impressed and so was I.  It was really cool.

Then thing slowed down a little.  The weight wasn’t coming off as fast.  It was okay, because I had dropped 20-25 lbs pretty quickly.  I was pretty impressed by that.  I decided I needed to find something else.  So Jason and I got some passes to the rec center.  Megan, Jason and I began going to Rec Center to work out several nights a week.  That was just the motivation I needed.  It was early spring and spring fever was kicking in for everyone.  The gym was fairly light most nights and Megan and I could get in several miles of biking on the stationary bikes.  It was nice.  Megan usually got in a much more aggressive workout than I did but I still felt accomplished.  BAM – there went another 20 lbs.  I was loving it.  

Then something horrible happened.  In March, I was diagnosed with a mild seizure disorder that required medication to keep under control.  I was experiencing micro-seizures that were leading to severe migraines causing quite a bit of disruption in my life.  The drs put me on some medication to help control all of this.  The medication was remarkable.  But the side effects were even more remarkable.  One of the better side effects, all though still under debate by my drs, is that it increased my metabolic rate.  While I had to begin being heavily monitored by doctors for the next 9 months (insert a lot of dollar signs right here) the weight began to just drop off.  You see, in combination with my new eating habit, my slight increase in activity and my new drug combination, my body started dumping weight.  It was awesome.  OR SO I THOUGHT…..

Apparently, it can be dangerous to drop too much weight too quickly.  I hit that level.  At one point I was dropping 8-10 lbs a week.  I got to the point where I  was actually having to consume extra calories to make sure I was not dropping weight too fast.  It was not something I was used to.  Instead of thinking twice about dessert, I was eating seconds.  It was kind of a nice problem to have, but on the other hand it was getting a little annoying.  I would go to dr appointments to hear them tell me that my dosing was off or that I had lost too much weight that week.  My blood levels were off, my brain patterns showed I was still seizing, my migraines were back, my weight was down again, over and over and over.  It was a vicious cycle.  However, after several months of this, we finally did figure it out.  We got the medications figured out, my weight loss and weight evened out, and my migraines and seizures are under control. 

And here I am, writing this blog to share with everyone.  I am content with where I am at although still striving to drop another 5-10 lbs.  While I have always been curvy with an enviable bra size, I really wish that some of this weight loss had lessened some of my upper curves.  My cup size hasn’t changed much.  So I am hoping that with another 5-10 lbs that might finally change.  If not, we may look in to more permanent methods.  But that is another story. 

For now, I am happy to report that having started at 265 lbs I am balancing the scale between 145 and 150 consistently right now.  My drs are thrilled and amazed and I am very pleased and shocked at the difference a year can make.  I went from a size 18/20 pant size to a size 6/7 and couldn’t be happier. 

Bring on 2013!!